Putting on My Mask

A means of survival at one point, I learned early on that pretending to be someone I wasn’t was the safest course of action. I could get into the astrology or the psychology of it all, but in the end it all boils down to the fact that it was for my own comfort. The mask was for my own protection. The mask helped keep me comfortable in a world in which I’ve never really felt as if I belonged. 

Did you ever wish your name was something else growing up? I always wanted to be Elisabeth. When given the prompt by Rebecca Campbell in one of her books to look up my name things started to fall into place. Emilie= rival, with a flare for the dramatic. Elisabeth= God’s promise. If I had been born Elisabeth instead of Emilie, maybe life wouldn’t be so hard for me. Maybe people would like me. Maybe I would feel as if I fit in somewhere. Maybe I would feel understood. Maybe then I would feel loved… If I was God’s promise and not the rival… 

I went through the first 37 years of my life with at least part of a mask on, trying to be Elisabeth. It started when I was very young once I started to experience things that were beyond what I knew how to process and understand. I thought that maybe if I could hide my true light, my true self, that I would find safety. That maybe then others would stop hurting me. Stop trying to steal my light. 

Then it moved on to concealing parts of myself to be more digestible to those around me. If I was loud and assertive, I was told I was bossy or a bitch. If I had strong opinions, people tended to not like me as much. If I shared my full self, it was never received how I hoped. Someone always would point out something unlovable about me. Something I said, or did, or how I looked. It was always something that I could do differently to make those around me more comfortable. So in turn I would mold myself into whatever version whomever I was with would find most pleasing. 

I put on the mask, I changed the mask, I amended the mask, I adjusted the mask, I put on new layers of the mask. It evolved and adjusted so much that I forgot who I was underneath it. I wanted to be seen as perfectly as I possibly could to avoid the seemingly never ending barrage of things I was at fault for by simply being me. It felt too scary for too long to just be me and so I buried her deeper and deeper below the surface until even I forgot who she was… 

I Love MYself

I love MYself. I trust and respect MYself. 

I love MYself. I trust and respect MYself. 

I love MYself. I trust and respect MYself. 

She repeated it day after day for weeks. 

Until finally she trusted herself enough to remove the shadow. 

To see who she was truly afraid of, 

the one she knew deep down all along.

HERself… 

being seen fully as HERself. 

Healing Ritual

Tattoos have been used in spiritual and ritualistic practices around the world for centuries. It is only a more modern practice to get tattoos for anything other than. Tattoos are seen by many as portals. They can connect you in to the energetic vibration of the item you are having permanently put on your skin. 

When I first started getting my tattoos it was mostly in an act of protest. A rebellion to be seen for who I was on the inside vs. just the outside. My whole life people have seemed to develop a very quick, and typically inaccurate, portrayal of who I am by how I look. I was always conscious though, almost as if I had an inner knowing at how powerful tattoos can be even in my younger years, to be extremely intentional about only having things on me that had deep meaning. More recently though I have been intentionally using them as healing portals. 

If you want a new (or your first) tattoo, this healing ritual is for you! 

Take a moment to get grounded and in a neutral state, either by meditation or breath work. 

Put your hands on your metaphysical heart (center of your chest plate). 

Take a deep breath and close your eyes, keeping your hands on your heart. 

Ask your spirit guides and/or guardian angels to show you an image to help you heal either something you are working through in that time or overall. 

Hold that image in your heart space and mind over the coming days/weeks, until you feel it has integrated into your body and feels true to you. 

If you are working to heal something that sits within your masculine energy, you will want to place it on your right side. If you are working to heal something that sits within your feminine energy, you will want to place it on your left side. 

After, take time to connect in with the image and meaning behind your tattoo on an ongoing basis. Bestow your gratitude for its reminder. 

Note: Do your research on your tattoo artist and the overall energy of the tattoo parlor! You will absorb this during the process so it’s important you feel comfortable. 

PDF download available here.