My Journey to Motherhood: My Time to be Mom
A month after my abortion, Coleman and I sat in the office of an adoption agency to go over next steps for signing up to be a ‘waiting family.’ We had spoken to this agency in our downtime between my IVF cycles with retrieval and our IVF cycle with adopted embryos. We knew that the average family waited 1-2 years before a child was placed with them so we wanted to to get on the list as soon as we could after the loss of the twins as we had been trying to become parents at this point for over 6 years. We thought that while we waited, we would have the time we needed to heal and this would give us hope while we did so.
We finished all our training, paperwork, home study, etc. by the first week in February, a little over 3 months since our loss and 2 months since we signed up with the agency. During our last class on Friday, February 9th, 2018 our adoption counselor kept pausing during lectures to respond to messages with another counselor who was overseeing a birth taking place that day. I asked if the child being born was already matched with a waiting family to which she said no. I looked at Coleman and said, “This is our baby. I feel it.” The ‘opportunity’ as they call it, basically an email listing out the details of the baby, birth family, medical history, adoption preferences, etc., was sent out on Monday and we immediately responded that we were interested. It was a last minute placement where the baby would be with the family after the 7 day respite period, the time in which the birthing mother can change her mind and terminate the papers to retrain custody. In many cases, families have months to prepare for the arrival as the match is typically made in advance of the babies birth instead of following.
The following day I received a text from our adoption counselor asking to talk. I had warned my team at work that this might happen as we were in an in-person meeting with a client, I quickly gave the signal and ran out the door. It was the news we thought would come a year or two later, we had been picked! WE HAD BEEN PICKED!!! Tears streamed down my face and I immediately hung up to call Coleman to tell him.
The next six days were the longest six days of our lives. We cleaned our house top to bottom, put the finishing touches on the nursery, bought clothes, installed car seat bases in our cars, all the things to try to make the time pass by faster. We met our son on February 20, 2018. He made me a mom… I was finally a mom…
A little over 2 years later in July 2020 another little boy was born. We wouldn’t know this little boy if it wasn’t for our first. This time it was different. While we still had to use the lawyers and have a home study, we weren’t working with an adoption agency. We received a call earlier that year asking us so the children could stay together and we agreed.
The magical thing is when I would see my future growing up I always saw two boys. By the time we made it to adoption being our path to parenthood though I had made a promise with my goddess and god that I would only ask for one child if I could be blessed with the gift of motherhood. I promised that I would never ask for a child again. I wasn’t doing this out of greed, I was doing this as my soul was calling me to. I knew deep down in my bones, in every bit of my being I was meant to be a mom. The yearning, the calling, the knowing only grew louder as I got older. It was extremely difficult to not be able to do what was supposed to be one of the most natural and magical things we can do as humans. Unless you have been there, you can never understand truly what it’s like…
“Here I am I'm waiting for a better day
A second chance
A little luck to come my way
A hope to dream a hope that I can sleep again
And wake in the world with a clear conscience and clean hands
'Cause all that you have is your soul
Don't be tempted by the shiny apple
Don't you eat of a bitter fruit
Hunger only for a taste of justice
Hunger only for a world of truth
'Cause all that you have is your soul”
‘All You Have is Your Soul’ by Tracy Chapman
Mother to Child Connection Healing Ritual
This ritual is intended to strengthen the energetic bond/connection between mother and child. This can be used for biological or non-biological children. This ritual was created with the intention to help form a stronger bond between me and my (adopted) children.
It is said that a child’s energetic center is linked to their mother the first seven years of their lives and this helps stabilize their emotions. This is one reason why children look to their mothers first for comfort when in need. When my children were struggling with big feelings, I looked beyond parenting books and our family counselor practices to address potential impacts from all angles. It wasn’t that those practices didn’t help, but instinctually I knew that something deeper was at play as to why we still struggled with big feelings in our home.
This understanding that children are linked to their mother’s energetic centers had me wondering which energetic center my children were connected to and if that impacted me being able to properly comfort them in times of need. In that my goal was to ensure that the energetic bond I shared with the children I was raising was tuned into my frequency instead of their biological mother so I could help them regulate day-to-day. To be clear, this is in no way to remove the bond/connection they have with her, only to ensure that their energetic centers in their body helping them regulate emotions were attached to me too.
If you are wanting to establish or strength your energetic centers with your child(ten), this ritual *could* be for you!
What You’ll Need:
Glass jar with lid
Ocean water (if you do not have access, 2 teaspoons salt to 1 cup water)
Rose Petals (as many as you feel called)
Mothers healing waters (the ‘healing waters’ you generate after climax)
Mix all items together in the glass jar, stirring clockwise to bring in connection and healing. Let mixture sit for 3 days, not in direct sunlight.
On the 4th day, anoint your child (with their permission!) on their third eye, mystical heart (center chest/heart chakra), and root chakra (base of spine). Feel the energetic water flow/connection running between you. Imagine that a second energetic cord is running from your heart chakra into your child’s heart chakra, running beside the cord they share with their biological mother. This cord then goes down your child’s spine, coming out at the root and reattaching to you at the root. Set the intention that this new connection is to be the primary source of emotional support for your child. That this connection is not to remove the first, but in addition to.
Note: If you are doing this with biological children, you will want to imagine your initial energetic cord getting stronger/repairing, not a second cord attaching. You will set the intention that your bond become stronger.
Download a FREE PDF of the Mother to Child Connection Healing Ritual in the shop!
