My Stories: My Abuser

My mom started dating him a few years after my parents divorce. By this time we had moved into a new house, one that allowed me to walk to and from school and to the park. I don’t know how they met, but after a while he moved into our house and that’s when things started to change. He was a full-time painter and drunk. The keg moved into our basement not longer after him. 

It was fine at first. I never really liked him, but my mom seemed to be happy. She had someone to help around the house which meant less fell to me to help with my little brother. The details of timing are a bit blurry for me of if my mom started working 2nd and 3rd shifts after he moved in or before, but what I remember most is that he was there to watch my brother and I while she worked and we were out of school. He wasn’t happy to be the one though. When she was around he was different to us, but the moment she was gone we were a burden keeping him from his keg in the basement and his friends. 

It didn’t happen every day or even every week. And when it happens in this way, it’s almost harder to predict and manage. My brother and I constantly walked on egg shells. There were times my mom would be working and all would be fine. He would drink and my brother and I would get our homework done, eat dinner and head off to bed without bothering him at all. Then there were days where we were kids, not following all the rules set or rebelling because we missed our mom, and things changed completely. 

I bruise easily, it’s easy to ignore the signs I guess when it came to me. My brother was different though, he was so little. It had happened a few times before, but only to me that I remember. My brother learned early on to be the “good one” while I continued to rebel no matter the consequences. 

The last night we saw the boyfriend my brother refused to get in the bath after dinner. My mom’s boyfriend was a few hours deep in the keg by this point and had little patience for disobedience. I remember getting up from the dinner table and asking if my brother could have a few more minutes before his bath to play to try to soothe things over. The next thing I knew my brother was being dragged by his ear from the dining room to the bathroom on the floor while he was kicking and screaming in pain to be let go. I jumped on my moms boyfriends back and started pulling his long blonde hair and hitting him in the face while screaming for him to let go of my brother. He quickly let go of my brother and turned his attention to me. I screamed at my brother to run and barricade himself in his room as I was thrown across the room and hard into the wall. As I sat slumped in the corner trying to recover and figure out what to do next, the boyfriend threw up his hand as if he was going to hit me so I cowered and he scoffed at me as he walked back down to his keg. 

I took the opportunity to run into the kitchen to get all the trash bags and the house phone. I told my brother the secret password and he opened his bedroom door to take trash bags from me to start packing up his room. I told him to not come out until I told him it was safe to do so. I ran back across the hall to my room, barricaded myself in and called my dad. I was willing to sacrifice my own safety (a story I will get to eventually…) to take care of my brother so I made the call and started to pack. 

My dad lived about 3 hours away and he managed to get there in less than 2 hours. My mom’s boyfriend was terrified of my father. He’s a huge man, 6’3” and big all around and when mad could scare the skin off a snake. He told the boyfriend he was taking us and we loaded up our trash bags and drove away. We weren’t allowed back at my mom’s house until he was gone, about a month later. 

Core Beliefs Established: 

I have to protect myself and everyone around me. 

I need to run away when I feel unsafe. 

The Edge

She lived on the edge.

Does she walk off…

or turn around and go home.

Neither seemed easy enough

painless enough,

not for herself or others.

Would it always be this way?

Or would the darkness one day fade?